


Reassurance

by Woodsmokeandwords (MmPumpkins)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Slavery, abuse mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8241127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MmPumpkins/pseuds/Woodsmokeandwords
Summary: Fenris goes to see Hawke and ends up meeting Orana instead.Set post 'A Bitter Pill'. I play fast and loose with the dialogue here, I wanted to portray Hawke and Fen's conversation after that quest in a slightly different way to how it pans out in the game.





	

Two days had passed since Hadriana's blood had soaked his fingers. Two days in which he had paced, drank, paced some more and finally, slept. Only to be awoken by dizzying nightmares that had him lurching from his bed in a cold sweat.  
  
In the worst of them, Hadriana's pale corpse claws its way from the earth before his eyes as though summoned, long fingernails cracked and broken, mouth hanging open. She reaches for him and then the brown of hard packed dirt is replaced by a gleaming marble floor and he is kneeling once more at Danarius' feet as Hadriana reels off a list of his many infractions, both real and imagined, although now she adds her own murder to the end of this litany. His master looks at him with disappointment in his eyes and Fenris is sickened by his own shame at having caused it to be there. Once more the scene changes but this time it is not Danarius whom he kneels before, it is Hawke. He is reading but it is not the warm library that Fenris knows Hawke loves to spend time in, this place is cold and unforgiving, chill light radiating from magic imbued stones set into the walls. Suddenly Hawke's hand is on the back of Fenris' neck and he chokes as his collar is pulled tight against his throat. This is how he wakes, gasping for air as fade-made fingers choke the very life from him.  
  
After two nights of this Fenris drags himself from his sweat stained sheets, washes, dresses and makes the short walk across Hightown to speak with Hawke. The last time they had been together Fenris had spat cruel words that he only half meant at the well intentioned mage, Hawke has not come to see him since and Fenris finds himself hoping fervently that this is because Hawke is giving him space, rather than the less pleasant alternative; that Hawke has finally had enough of his -how did the healer put it once?- Vitriol, and has decided to distance himself. Danarius certainly never would have tolerated it.  
The comparison leaps unbidden into Fenris' mind and his stomach turns at the thought that Hawke could in any way resemble his former master.

  
His feet have found their way to Hawke's door with little input from his head and he steels himself before knocking. He needn't have fretted so much, Bodhan opens the door and informs him that he's "terribly sorry, but Messere Hawke and his Lady mother are out at the moment, you're welcome to wait in the library, Messere?" For a moment the image from his nightmare of himself curled at Hawke's feet in another, quite different, library rises before his eyes but he banishes it with a shake of his head.  
  
"Yes, thank you." Fenris follows the dwarf across the foyer and main hall of Hawke's mansion to the door that he knows leads to the library, Bodhan opens it and steps back to let him pass.  
  
"Can I get you anything whilst you wait, Messere? Messere Hawke said to always make you feel welcome should you come calling." Fenris is suddenly very conscious of the fact all he's really consumed for the last two days is wine.  
  
"Just some water, please, Bodhan."  
  
"Very good, Messere."  
  
Bodhan leaves, closing the door behind him and Fenris allows himself a moment to dwell on the ridiculous turn his life has taken since meeting Garrett Hawke. To be waited upon, to be addressed with honorifics. Not so many years ago he would have been the one fetching his master's guests their refreshment.  
Fenris moves over to the chairs by the fire, debating with himself for a moment about whether to sit or not.  He eventually does so but stands again seconds later. He cannot ascertain whether it is because of his recent dreams, or the forceful reminder of his past that came in the form of Hadriana but he cannot rid himself of the feeling that to sit without Hawke present, without his offer of a seat - ' _you mean his permission'_ some small part of his brain hisses at him- is disrespectful and to some extent, taboo.  
Instead he stands before the fire, flickering far too merrily in it's grate as it staves off the Autumn chill.  
Lost in thought as he is he does not hear the door open and only turns at the sound of something heavy being set down just behind him.  
Instead of Bodhan he sees the young elven woman from the caves, she glances up at him but does not meet his eyes, her movements are furtive and shaky to the extent that she almost drops the glass she's brought for the water.  
  
"You will know no harm from me." He says, before thinking. She flinches.  
  
"What's your name?" He asks her, this time in Tevene. At that she looks up at him, if only for a second before her eyes are back on the floor at his feet.  
  
"Orana, Master."  
  
"I am no, 'master'." Fenris states, made immediately uncomfortable by her deference. Orana seems to sense it and she starts to take a halting step backwards before catching herself.  
  
"Forgive me, what then should I address you as?"  
  
"My name is Fenris. I would prefer that." Suddenly he remembers Hawke's statement in the caves that he had offered this girl a job, not claimed her as property,  
"Hawke has been kind to you?" He dare not think otherwise, to do so might tip some invisible scale inside his chest too far in one direction for it to ever tip back.  
  
"Yes, mas... Fenris. Master Hawke has even offered to... Pay me." She forms the words uncertainly, as if scarcely daring to believe them. Fenris can relate. When he first met Hawke every moment spent in the mage's company was a moment spent evaluating and reevaluating the man's motives. Second guessing every action and to Fenris' regret, suspicion that this was not just some elaborate ploy of Hawke's to acquire a valuable slave. Little had he known at the time that Hawke really was all that he seem to be. Sarcastic and fool hardy and unfailingly kind.  
  
"He will make good on that." Orana nods slowly, seeming to take his words to heart.  
  
"I remember you." She says quietly and Fenris looks up, bewildered. "From Magister Danarius' house. I was only small but I saw you there once." Her words seem to echo in the silence that follows them, in that unbearable quite Fenris feels his heart beat a little faster. He had not expected this. She looked young enough that he had supposed this would not be an issue, and besides, he has no memory of her.  
  
"Are you Master Hawke's now?" Fenris can do little but stare and Orana seems to want to fill the uncomfortable silence with words. Finally he finds his voice.  
  
"I... What?"  
  
"Do you belong to Master Hawke now?" She rephrases the question slightly, her speech slowing a little. It has been a long time since he last spoke Tevene, she must assume that he did not understand her. Nevertheless the question throws him. Does it seem that way to all who see them and do not know them? For a scant second he is back in his nightmare, kneeling at the side of Hawke's chair.  
  
"No, Hawke owns no slaves. I am free, as are you."  
  
"Oh... Forgive me, I had heard that you ran away and I... I assumed that you had done so to find a new master."  
  
"That was not the case." Fenris voice is curt, perhaps more so than he means for it to be because when Orana next speaks she sounds quiet and sad, timid again where mere seconds before she had been less so.  
  
"I do not think I would do so well without one now. I thought it would be the same for all of us." Fenris' initial response is to bristle at being lumped in with every other runaway in history, weak or strong but almost immediately the anger fades and he feels cold. Orana's words striking some chord within him that he had been thus far afraid to disturb. Was that the true meaning of his dreams. Did he crave a master's hand? Did he yearn for the collar? Was his subconscious already marking Hawke out for the role? To be sure a small part of him had been somewhat relieved to once more take orders from a mage. Even if those orders did not extend beyond the battlefield. But no, he would not entertain such pernicious thoughts.  
  
"You will adjust, it is... Difficult at first, but it can be done." For some reason, he desires to help this girl. Perhaps because he had struggled on without help in the first years of his dubious freedom, when every choice had seemed too great, too intimidating. Slowly, so as not to alarm her, Fenris steps forward and carefully pours himself a glass of water, drinking all of it before setting the glass back down again. When he looks up Orana is still standing beside the table, watching him.  
  
"Is it easy for you now?" She glances up at him, something like hope in her features. He considers lying, but then he is not nearly good enough at it to convince a former slave. He remembers all too well how he learned to read every gesture, every inflection, the better to anticipate the actions and requests of those around him. Finally, he answers with a sigh.  
  
"No, it is not easy." And then, quickly so that he doesn't decide against speaking his mind, "in fact, am here because I have barely slept these past two days. Unpleasant dreams plague my nights." He looks to the young elf for a reaction, expecting upset or fear but instead he finds only resignation. She nods knowingly and in that small movement Fenris can see that she has already experienced them. Just then the door to the library opens, shattering the quiet and Hawke enters. They step away from each other, each turning to face the door and Fenris sees Orana's knees start to bend before she catches herself and bows low instead. That urge is familiar to him also, only recently banished far enough that he can avoid twitching when his friends enter rooms after him. Hawke, of course, does not fail to notice any of it and the ghost of a frown crosses his features. But not one formed of anger, there is something sad in it that doesn't entirely vanish when the frown is quickly replaced by something kinder as Orana straightens up.  
  
"I see you two have met, again." He states, crossing the room to stand before them both. Something in Fenris' chest clenches up at the situation. Were they in Minrathous, two slaves caught idle in their master's rooms would be in serious danger of a beating... But they are not in Minrathous and Hawke only smiles to see them both.  
  
"Yes, I trust you have not been working Orana too hard already, Hawke? The foyer seems cleaner than normal."  
  
"Ah, that is only because Sandal had an... Accident yesterday and we only finished clearing up after it this morning."  
"Master Hawke helped too" Orana's high voice is a surprise to them both, she seems in danger of stopping when they turn to look at her but a nod from Hawke has her continuing, "he needn't have." Fenris smiles. All too soon will Orana learn that Hawke cannot help but offer assistance to any and all around him.  
  
"Well, that's me. Always helping where I'm not wanted." Hawke laughs, "Orana would you mind terribly if I spoke with Fenris alone for a while?"  
  
"Oh! Yes, of course, Master. Excuse me." And with that Orana walks quickly from the room.  
  
"I have asked her to stop calling me that, by the way." Hawke says once the door is firmly shut again.  
  
"It is a hard habit to break, I suspect she will, in time."  
  
"I thought that might be the case." Hawke sighs and sinks into his preferred chair, gesturing for Fenris to take the other. He does so now, cursing his earlier paranoia.  
  
"What can I do for you, Fenris?"  
  
"I... Wanted primarily to apologise, for what I said in the caves. I was not myself. Hadriana stirred up many, less than pleasant, memories and I lashed out at the wrong man."  
  
"Well that's easily solved, you are forgiven, Fenris."  
  
"Not only that Hawke, I carry such rage inside me. I would that it were gone but it will not lessen, even with the death of that... that bitch."  
  
"I've heard it said that revenge doesn't solve everything. And yet, it is alright to feel anger towards those that have wronged you to such extremes. I can't even begin to imagine-"  
  
"Do not pity me Hawke, and do not sit in silence and try to picture my life before." He takes a deep breath in through his nose, "Hadriana, she would deny my meals, hound my sleep. I of course, was powerless to stop her. Her position as Danarius' favoured apprentice protected her more surely than any armour." Fenris rubs a hand over his face, willing the bone deep tiredness away. "Besides, I could not have harmed her even if it had occurred to me to wish it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You have never been a slave, Hawke, for which I am very glad, you cannot understand." Fenris looks away from the fire, into which he has been staring, and up at Hawke. Hawke is watching him with a curious look on his face. If Fenris did not know better he would say it was something akin to admiration.  
They lapse into a comfortable silence, the pop of a particularly dry log the only sound that disturbs them until Fenris speaks again.  
  
"Orana will do well here. I doubt she could have found a better employer."  
  
"You believe so?"  
  
"I do. You are kind, Hawke, and when she learns to trust in that kindness she will thrive."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Are you thriving?"  
  
"No offense meant to you Hawke but you know I am not." Fenris watches with familiar guilt as sadness overtakes Hawke's features. It scares him, just a step away from the shame he still feels in his dreams over Danarius' disappointment.  
  
"What can I do?" There was a kind of steely determination in Hawke's eyes now.  
  
"You are already doing it. When I first ran from my master, I did not know you. I had a year of uncertainty. A year of..." He catches himself just in time.  
  
"Of what, Fenris?" Damn Hawke and his constant prying, Fenris was powerless to withstand it though.  
  
"Of... Yearning for... For a new hand on the leash." A short intake of breath from Hawke, Fenris isn't fast enough looking down at his lap to miss the shock on Hawke's face.  
  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."  
  
"No, it is alright. I could not have brought it up without prompting but I am glad that you know now. That you know how weak I am, truly."  
  
"Fenris no, you are not weak." Fenris looks at him again. This time feeling frustration rather than guilt bubbling to the surface.  
  
"I still yearn for it, Hawke." he bites out, "if that is not weakness then you must have a very different understanding of the word." Hawke frowns at him and Fenris feels panic for just a moment at the thought that he might have once again jeopardised their friendship. It is some time before Hawke speaks again, long moments in which Fenris strongly considers fleeing. It is only his promise to himself that we won't run from Hawke again which keeps him in his seat.  
  
"Longing for the only life you have ever known is not a weakness, Fenris. I could never apply that word to a single part of you, to a single thing you've ever done." Hawke delivers this speech with such an intensity that Fenris can do little in the aftermath but stare at the man sitting across from him.  
  
"But," he says after a few moments, "it would be the easy way out, to return to a state where my choices are made for me. Where the responsibility is no longer mine. The fault-"  
  
"Maker, Fenris, you don't think I wish the same almost every day? You don't think everybody does? The only difference is that you have lived that life and hated it and escaped it." They watch each other, Hawke appeared to be trying to measure the effect his words were having whilst Fenris was trying to decide whether to risk speaking his mind once more.  
  
"I did not hate all of it, Hawke... In some ways it is... Freeing?" To his immense surprise, Hawke smiles at him.  
  
"I think you have hit upon it there." Fenris looks up at Hawke then but something in Hawke's face keeps him from questioning further. He gets the distinct impression of a door being closed and he is not so brave yet as to try and push the subject. They sit companionably for a while longer, the silence resting comfortably between them, until Fenris deems it time for himself to leave. At the front door he turns to face Hawke again, the ghost of a smile on his lips.  
  
"I am glad that I came to talk to you Hawke."  
  
"As am I. We should do this more often."  
  
"Indeed we should." Fenris says, raising a hand in farewell as he steps back out into the autumn chill of Hightown.   


End file.
